Wednesday, November 12, 2008

anyone listening?

when i made this blog i did update more often and i actually had people who would read it and comment it. now i get the feeling that no one is reading it. i think the people who used to read it gave up on me ever updating it. or maybe they got tired of the kind of the posts i make... i dunno. i think it is the first one, i mean i hadn't posted anything since june.
though the more i think about it, i think it might be better that the people who i knew used to read this aren't reading it anymore. i feel they are the kind of people that might read a post and read too far into it. if i were to post anything that might be a little sad, they think i'm depressed and think they should be all worried. i mean if i really was really depressed and needed to talk or vent i'd call someone up or talk to a friend in person.

i feel i go thru phases of wanting to post on here. sometimes i just am not sure i have anything to say.
i might have a few ideas for posts and then run out and stop... we'll see

remember, remember...

... the 5th of November.

R.I.P Astro 11/5/08

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

life is crazy

life really is too crazy
i can't handle how crazy life is sometimes. i really want to hit the pause button and take time for myself.
i don't want to have to live up to someone else's expectations anymore. it is tiresome. it wears you out. makes you feel insignificant and unappreciated. i want to be me. i want to live the way i want to live. i want to get out. to no longer feel tired and unseen. no longer feel unappreciated and unrespected. i need to find that pause button and escape the petty problems of this life. i just want to find some inner peace again. i had it and i lost it. i let the world around me get to me. get inside and ruin the wonderful sense of myself i had worked so damn hard to gain.

love bites.
i fear that i will not ever find someone who will let me love them with all that i am. i fear i will not find someone who will love me for all that i am. accept all my faults accept all my flaws. and of course i have them. i have many. i am human. but who could love such a introverted person with a depressive personality? i want someone who when i'm with them they become my anti-depressant. that i wouldn't need to worry because if i were to stumble and feel depressed they would know how to support me. i don't want to only lean on them to save me from my depression... i fear that i don't know how to be in a relationship. that if i were to find someone i wanted to be with that i wouldn't know how to make things work. i fear i have been single too long.