life really is too crazy
i can't handle how crazy life is sometimes. i really want to hit the pause button and take time for myself.
i don't want to have to live up to someone else's expectations anymore. it is tiresome. it wears you out. makes you feel insignificant and unappreciated. i want to be me. i want to live the way i want to live. i want to get out. to no longer feel tired and unseen. no longer feel unappreciated and unrespected. i need to find that pause button and escape the petty problems of this life. i just want to find some inner peace again. i had it and i lost it. i let the world around me get to me. get inside and ruin the wonderful sense of myself i had worked so damn hard to gain.
i fear that i will not ever find someone who will let me love them with all that i am. i fear i will not find someone who will love me for all that i am. accept all my faults accept all my flaws. and of course i have them. i have many. i am human. but who could love such a introverted person with a depressive personality? i want someone who when i'm with them they become my anti-depressant. that i wouldn't need to worry because if i were to stumble and feel depressed they would know how to support me. i don't want to only lean on them to save me from my depression... i fear that i don't know how to be in a relationship. that if i were to find someone i wanted to be with that i wouldn't know how to make things work. i fear i have been single too long.